PODCAST: Season 6, Episode 50
Grab your coffee because I’m getting on my soapbox today! This is one of those “someone needs to say this” episodes. If you’ve been beating yourself up because a client isn’t getting results, blaming yourself for their lack of implementation, or taking on responsibility for their choices – this episode is going to give you the reality check you need. Let’s talk about what’s actually YOUR job and what isn’t.
Key Topics Covered
In this truth-bomb episode, I dive into:
- The responsibility trap – Why coaches and service providers take on too much ownership of client results
- What is (and isn’t) your job – Clear boundaries on your role vs. their role
- The real problem – How your ideal client definition and marketing language might be attracting the wrong people
- The emotional cost – Burnout, resentment, imposter syndrome, and guilt
- How to have the conversation – Scripts for addressing clients who aren’t implementing
- What to do next – Practical steps to shift this pattern
The Truth Nobody Will Say Out Loud
You are the container, not the engine.
Your job is to:
- Hold space
- Provide strategy
- Offer support
- Create the conditions for transformation
Your job is NOT to:
- Force people to transform
- Want it more than they do
- Make them successful if they’re not willing to do their part
Their lack of action is NOT a reflection of your skill.
Let me say that louder for the people at the back: Their inaction is not a reflection of your skill.
The Common Scenario
You know this one:
- You show up fully for your client
- You give them everything they need – strategy, support, exact steps
- They’re excited and motivated at first
- Then… they don’t do it
- They don’t implement, don’t show up, don’t do the work
- Excuses pile up: “I’m busy,” “Life got in the way,” “I’ll do it next week”
- And what do YOU do? You blame yourself
The thoughts spiral:
- “Maybe I didn’t explain it clearly enough”
- “Maybe I should have followed up more”
- “Maybe I should have made it easier”
- “Maybe I’m just not good enough”
Then you do MORE. More time. More resources. More hand-holding.
And they still don’t move. And you still blame yourself.
Will you fucking stop it? Literally, stop.
What IS Your Responsibility (And What Isn’t)
Your Responsibility:
✓ Showing up prepared ✓ Providing clear, actionable strategy ✓ Being supportive and available within your boundaries ✓ Creating helpful resources ✓ Working with integrity ✓ Being honest when something isn’t working ✓ Calling clients forward when they’re plateaued ✓ Calling clients out when needed
NOT Your Responsibility:
✗ Making them do the work ✗ Wanting it more than they want it ✗ Managing their time ✗ Handling their mindset around implementation (unless you’re doing done-for-you service) ✗ Feeling bad when they don’t show up ✗ Taking the blame for their choices ✗ Making them successful if they’re not willing to do their part
The Real Issue: Your Ideal Client Definition
The biggest thing you need to look at? Your ideal client and your marketing message.
Ask Yourself:
- Who are you calling in?
- What language are you using?
- Are you saying you work with people who are “stuck”?
Warning: I don’t want “stuck” people. I want people who may not be where they want to be, but they’re not stuck. Stuck people want you to do the work for them.
Get Crystal Clear:
Don’t just think about problems and transformations. Think about:
- What is their personality like?
- How do they move?
- What is their work ethic?
- Are they fast action-takers?
My clients have one thing in common: the fucking speed that they move at. And I love it.
Use this in your marketing! I say things like:
- “Speedy action takers”
- “Type A personalities”
- “Fast implementers”
If you’re not clear, you’ll attract people who:
- Want fixing
- Want you to do the work for them
- Are happy to pay but don’t take action
What Happens If You Don’t Change This Pattern
If you keep taking responsibility for client inaction:
- You’ll burn out – Trying to carry both sides of the transformation
- You’ll feel resentful – Towards clients not pulling their weight (then feel guilty about the resentment)
- You’ll develop imposter syndrome – Doubting if you know what you’re doing
- You’ll attract more wrong clients – Desperate to prove results, you’ll take on anyone
- You might lower your prices – Feeling guilty about charging premium when people “aren’t getting results” (even though that has nothing to do with your pricing)
Real-Life Example: The Honest Conversation
I had a client who wasn’t doing the work for three months. She was tying herself up in knots: “Maybe I’m not explaining it right. Maybe I need a different approach. Maybe I should…”
I told her: She’s choosing not to do the work. You’ve done everything on your end. It’s not on you. It’s on her.
When I Had This Conversation Myself:
I once had a client who wasn’t implementing. I said:
“Look, we keep having these sessions where I give you strategy and you don’t implement it. That’s not a good use of my time or your money. Do you feel ready for this? Because if not, that’s okay.”
As it turned out, she wasn’t ready. It was stressing her out.
The happy ending? She came back a year later, was ready, and we worked really well together.
If I’d just carried on? There would have been resentment and it wouldn’t have felt right.
How to Have the Conversation
Instead of: “This isn’t working. I’m out.”
Try this: “Hey [name], I’ve noticed you’re not implementing what we’re discussing. I want to make sure we’re both getting value from this. Can we chat about what’s really going on?”
This week’s action step:
- Have an honest conversation (not mean, not critical – just honest)
- Say: “I’ve noticed you haven’t implemented X, Y, Z. I want to make sure I’m supporting you in the right way. Is there anything else going on?”
- Listen. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t take responsibility. Just listen.
- Then decide: Is this someone who needs more support? Or someone who isn’t ready for me?
Your Reflection Questions
Take a moment and honestly answer these:
- Do you have any clients right now who aren’t implementing?
- Who’s not doing the work?
- Who keeps making excuses?
- (If you don’t have any – happy days! You’re calling in the right clients.)
- How is this affecting you?
- Are you resentful?
- Burnt out?
- Doubting yourself?
- Trying even harder?
- Adding more things?
- What are you making it mean about you?
- “I’m not good enough”
- “I should be doing more”
- “Maybe I’m not cut out for this”
- “Maybe I should retrain”
- Is this actually true, or are you taking responsibility for somebody else’s choices?
- What would change if you released responsibility for their action?
- What would you do differently?
- How would you show up?
- What boundaries would you set?
Remember This
You are absolutely amazing at what you do.
Your methodology works. Your strategy is solid.
But you cannot make someone implement. You cannot force transformation.
Your job is to be the guide, not the superhero in a cape.
Resources Mentioned
My Digital Course – SOAR £97 investment https://www.millsgray.com/work-with-me/courses/how-to-become-magnetic-in-your-marketing/
- Get crystal clear on your messaging and who you’re calling in
- Self-paced learning
- Slack channel for questions
- Monday office hours for direct access to me
- Perfect if you need to fix your ideal client messaging in a cost-effective way
- Private Podcast Launch https://millsgray.kartra.com/page/bottleneckgeneral
Check the show notes for the link!
Let’s Connect!
Did this resonate? Did it hit the spot? Come into my Instagram DMs @mills_gray and let me know!
Share this episode to your stories and tag me if someone needs to hear this message.
Take Action This Week
- Review your ideal client definition – get DETAILED about personality and characteristics
- Look at your marketing language – are you attracting “stuck” people or action-takers?
- If you have a non-implementing client, have that honest conversation
- Set boundaries around what IS and ISN’T your responsibility
You’re brilliant at what you do. Stop carrying the weight of other people’s choices. Your job is to hold the container, not be the engine.